Mormon-Fu

I had been taking Mormon-Fu for quite a few years now. Since I was 8 years old, being trained in the school of Sunday and seminary, having had many good instructors and coaches, knowing some great moves and stances, my coach decided it was time for my title match.

This was not a national, state city, or even block title. It was something far more important to me, and to those who knew me. For if I won this, I would be able to practice in the celestial dojo with the best master ever.

As I walked into the locker room, I saw my opponent putting on his murky black karate uniform. His name was Lucifer D. Satan. He'd been around for a very long time. He was small, quick, deceptively powerful, and an unbelievably chatty fighter.

From the moment I walked in, he began taunting me trying to make me attack him in the locker room and get me disqualified before the match even began.

I kept my cool and said "I do my talking in the ring." "I do my talking in the ring," he mimicked. As they led us into the ring, I could see a small crowd in the top ten rows of the five hundred row stadium and could tell it was going to be a very rough crowd.

As the referee went over the ground rules, some of the crowd jumped in the ring, knocked the referee out and dragged him away.

As I watched helplessly, the bell rang and the devil landed a vicious blow to the head, full of hate and malice. 

While I lay on the ground, He swung at me with a evil music left and right. This took a little out of me, but in a unprecedented move, I stood up and bore my testimony, but he slashed through with a blonde in a mini-skirt. 

I stumbled back and leaned heavily on the ropes, but I acted more dazed then I was and as he came in, I spun and nailed him with a church hymn. He struck blindly with a fast car, but I blocked him with our dying ford and countered with the power of prayer.

He tried hopelessly to hit with evil urges, but I sidestepped with a family that cared for me greatly and gave an uppercut with the power of the priesthood.
He was bleeding from several places now, but as I attacked with a solid testimony of the Word of Wisdom, suddenly he sidestepped and grabbed me with a boring speaker and a sleeper hold. I slide out with a good spiritual fast and testimony meeting, but I was noticeably hurt. He tried to drop me with a fishing trip on Sunday, but that was his mistake, I don't fish well. I began to pepper him with a few quick trips to the temple interposed with baptisms for the dead. He was on the run now, as I threw in a few scriptures from The Book of Mormon.
In my haste to finish him off, I ran right into sports on Sunday. I swung with a friend taping the super bowl for me on Sunday. But I was noticeably stung and bleeding in a few places. He struck back again and again with drugs and pornography and anything he could get his hands on, but his arsenal was shrinking quickly.
We stood back for a second, blood was dripping from both of us.
All of a sudden my inner strength swelled, and I hit him viciously with my mission call. I tattooed the signature of the prophet Thomas S. Monson across his forehead and knocked him out by serving a successful and honorable mission. 
I knew that was not all. True enough, I had won this match but I knew there would always be a rematch and he would be back again, only more powerful the next time.

I know that we are always in a battle with Satan. Everyday is going to tempt us with anything he can get his hands on. I know that the power of God is more powerful than Satan no matter what! I know that with all these things that we have in the gospel, our scriptures, hymns, seminary, church, the commandments, with all these things we can and will be able to win the battle against Satan.
Remember who you are and what you stand for!